I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
