Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
