tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
