Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
