his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
