Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
