We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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