She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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