Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
