You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
