508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
