I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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