his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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