he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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