im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
