I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
