My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
