Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
