Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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