I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
