Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
