I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
did i just pee glitter
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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