i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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