Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
