we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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