this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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