If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
