He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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