mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
