that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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