what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
