My friends, they love my intelligence
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
