dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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