Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
