I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
vagina is talking i cant
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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