I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
