You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
