Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
