The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
