I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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