My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
