her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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