I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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