Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i already hear my dad disowning me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well you can't waste a boner
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
