Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
