My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
