i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
