OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
