mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
barbara walters just said penis...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
