didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
are you so shy because you have an std?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
