What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
