1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
