You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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