captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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