Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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