Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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