...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
