Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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