It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
