Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is it penis luge time yet?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Randomize
