She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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