So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
