The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just cropdusted the office
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
