My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
