I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
