You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
