using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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