It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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