Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
