id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
only if we run a train.
done.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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