Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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