getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize