Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
