Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
