If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
