Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
