im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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