I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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