my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
