I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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