I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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