Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
