after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
