Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
