So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
