Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The uberlube is also flammable
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
