When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
