how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
